What You Truly Want Lies in the Baggage

We all have baggage. Shit. Wounds. Demons. Call it what you will.

Some people less than others, some people more. And it doesn’t make you inferior or superior with whatever amount of baggage you have.

Because most of us know that the first suitcase starts to fill up during our childhood. Our wonderful parents who did the best that they could, the overworked teacher who did the best that they could, the bully who didn’t have the means to manage their emotions….these are all part of our life experiences when we’re kids. They’re inevitable.

And they fuck us up to various extents.

We don’t have the tools to deal with these emotions when we’re little beings…so we take them with us…all of them…add more to them with our interpreted ‘negative experiences’ throughout our life, and store them deep within us until we’re confronted with them later.

And that my friends, happens inside our relationships, especially our romantic ones. And then suddenly our baggage comes to the surface in the form of fear, rage, insecurity, arrogance, complexes, addictions, etc.

Our romantic relationships is when shit gets real. We are faced with parts of ourselves we prefer not to see. Some of those parts look like little grey demons with a big noses and scraggly hairs.

Which is why many of us either choose to be single, or to live with several brick walls, or both.

It’s much more comfortable to leave our baggage tucked away in a storage far far away, drink wine and binge watch Netflix. I get it. Retrieving and unpacking the baggage sucks.

But what would happen if we were all a little more compassionate? With ourselves first and foremost. To acknowledge and embrace the shit that’s happened to us, the negative stories we’ve created as a result, and welcomed all of it as a way to transcend.

Isn’t that a great word? Transcend.

And hey, each of you, if you choose to do so, could perhaps unpack your baggage on your own or with a therapist….but my bet would be, even if you think you’ve transcended the hell out of your baggage, stuff will come up once you partner up with someone. Our partners are our biggest mirrors and can be our greatest teachers.

And what a beautiful thing it is when two people come together with the compassion to understand that we all have baggage….and who love and accept each other regardless, and who say, “why don’t we sit down and help each other unpack this shit. I’ll order some pizzas.”

Two people who support each other. Who have patience for each other’s respective journeys. Because let’s face it. Prince Charming doesn’t exist. Nor does Porn Star Cinderella. We all have something to unpack.

Two people who will brush the dirt off of each other’s behinds after they fall off track. Because it will inevitably happen.

And when it does, these two people will most likely get frustrated, maybe even punch a pillow, but will always show up with respect and kindness.

Respect and kindness. These are non-negotiable, people.

Some people who have major complexes will think it’s okay to use your baggage to bring you down. To make you feel worse about yourself. To make you feel inferior. Perhaps they think it’s using “boundaries,” but I assure you, those aren’t boundaries. Those are attacks rooted in hatred. Boundaries are assertive, firm, and respectful, and 100% necessary in any relationship.

When you love someone, it might be hard to tell them to shove it where the sun don’t shine the first time they attack you with their hatred. But if it continuously happens YOU NEED TO GO. End of story. That isn’t love. It’s aggression and abuse, which diminishes respect, trust and attraction. Not to mention, it’ll chip away at your soul. No relationship can survive that environment.

Love them, wish them well, they were only doing their best, and let them go.

It takes incredible courage, strength, and vulnerability to unpack the baggage. Even more so, to do this with a partner.

It’s a sacred bond. The key to real love.

One of my greatest loves has always told me, “I have always seen, I do see, and I will forever see the precious being that you are.”

And let me tell you people, we exposed the hell out of each other’s dark sides during our relationship. But we never strayed from love and respect. Challenging each other is one thing, aggression is another.

When two people can see the precious beings in one other, despite their baggage, and continue to love, support and respect each other, willing to help one another unpack, then they’ve hit the relationship jackpot.

Because that….is truly the greatest act of love.