The Biggest Myths about Boundaries and How to Set Them Without Losing Your Mind (or Your Relationships)

Do you cringe when someone says the word boundaries?

Do you picture yourself as the bitchy woman, waving people away with a giant “DO NOT CROSS” sign?

Here’s the good news: boundaries aren’t about pushing people away — they’re about building bridges to better relationships. And not just with others, but with yourself too.

I mean, who doesn’t want more self-respect and peace?

So why does setting boundaries feel so hard? Probably because, like so many of us, you’ve been fed a bunch of myths about what boundaries are and what they’re not.

Let’s debunk those myths, shall we?

Myth #1: Boundaries are Rude or Mean

How many times have you been afraid to set a boundary because you don’t want someone to think you’re rude or just simply a terrible person?

Here’s the truth: boundaries create clarity, not conflict. They’re rooted in respect — for yourself and for others. Saying “no” when you need to isn’t rude — it’s honest.

Practical Tip:

Need help finding the words? Try this:

• “I feel better when…”
• “I need…”

For example: “I don’t respond to messages after 7 PM because that’s my time to recharge.”
It’s not rejecting anyone — it’s prioritizing yourself so you can show up fully when you’re ready.

And honestly, don’t we all want friends who take care of themselves instead of running on empty?

Myth #2: Only “Tough” People Can Set Boundaries

You might think you need to be intimidating or ultra-confident to set boundaries.

But remember, boundaries aren’t about force. They’re a bridge to a better connection with yourself or another person.

Boundaries are about self-awareness, not strength. You don’t need to be a brick wall; you just need clarity on what makes you feel valued and safe.

Try These Phrases:

• “I’m not comfortable with that, but here’s what I can do.”
• “That doesn’t work for me right now, but I appreciate you asking.”
• “I’d love to help, but I have too much on my plate at the moment.”

Boundaries aren’t about being hard — they’re about being clear. And clarity? That’s peace.

Myth #3: Boundaries Will Push People Away

Ah, the classic fear: setting boundaries will scare off friends and partners faster than a bad dating profile.

Picture this: you ask a friend to hang out, and they reply, “I’d love to, but I need to recharge this week. How about next week?” Then, next week, they follow up and plan something.

Are you angry or upset? No.

You’re grateful they were honest, right?

Personally, I trust people with boundaries more than those who don’t.

Why?

Because I’m never left second-guessing. Are they hanging out with me because they want to or because they feel guilty? Are they saying “yes” because they’re excited or because they’re too polite to say “no”?

Boundaries remove all the guesswork. They show that someone respects themselves enough to prioritize their needs — and by extension, they’re more likely to respect yours. Win-win.

Practical Tip:

Instead of a blunt “no,” try:
“I’d love to help, but I’m at capacity right now — let’s revisit this next week!”

It’s honest, kind, and keeps the connection alive.

So, no, boundaries won’t push people away. If anything, they’ll draw the right people closer — the ones who value you for who you are, not for what you can give them at any given moment.

Myth #4: Once Set, Boundaries Are Set in Stone

Some people avoid setting boundaries because they think they’re permanent. But boundaries are like your favorite pair of jeans — they adjust with time and seasons.

For example:

• Original Boundary: “I don’t take calls after 8 PM.”
• How It Evolved: During a calmer season, this shifted to: “I prioritize quiet evenings, but I’m happy to make exceptions for close friends.”

Boundaries should flex with your life. Relationships grow, priorities shift, and boundaries can be tweaked as needed.

Pro Tip:

Revisit your boundaries every so often. Ask yourself:

• Does this still serve me?
• Has my life, energy, or focus shifted?
  Adjust as necessary.

Myth #5: Boundaries Are for Other People — Not for Me!

Think boundaries are for people with chaotic lives or messy relationships?

Nope.

Boundaries are for everyone.

They’re about preserving your energy and focus. If something feels draining or stressful in your life, chances are, a boundary might help.

Start small:

• Is there a situation that’s been frustrating you lately?
• Could setting a boundary help protect your peace?

Boundaries are gifts — for yourself and for the people in your life.

They reflect your values. Boundaries are about what you will accept and what you won’t accept. They’re a byproduct of your self-respect.

Boundaries aren’t barriers; they’re bridges — to better relationships, healthier priorities, and a more peaceful life.

Start small. Practice. Try on boundaries like a new outfit and see what fits.

Remember: they’re not about controlling others — they’re about honoring yourself.

And you’re worth it.