The Biggest Mistake You Can Make When Dating

Isn’t the beginning of a new relationship so freaking wonderful?

The butterflies.

The euphoria that comes with every text message.

The passion.

Oh man, that oxytocin is good stuff.

And you’re at that stage in your life where you want a committed, long-term relationship…

So hell, you move in with him after just 2 months. You feel it. He feels it. You feel certain that the two of you cannot live without each other. Why wait?

You see some things…..things that concern you a bit. But you’re still high on the love drugs and oh my gosh his body…..so it’s fine.

Then, after 6 months of being together, he gets laid off. You start to feel depressed about living in a new city without any friends and working from his home every damn day.

Real-life challenges start to set in.

And poof, the honeymoon phase has officially come to an end, ladies and gentlemen.

He starts drinking every night, by himself. And you’re wondering who in the heck is this man who can’t deal with life?

So you start to criticize his drinking, which only makes him feel disconnected from you, so he drinks some more.

You do your best at communicating your feelings to him. And it seems like he’s listening, but really, he’s completely shut down. He’s not there.

But you don’t know that. Because you don’t really know him or how he deals with conflict, one of the most important judgments of a person’s character.

Gradually, you start to see other unhealthy behaviors of his and you tell him how they make you feel.

And he seems to hear you…

But really, he’s simply decided to have his own secrets.

Until one day, it all blows up in your face.

You make a discovery that turns your whole world upside down. And suddenly your reality, as well as your heart, shatter into a million pieces.

And you think to yourself, “This can’t be happening. How can the person I love and trust more than anyone in this world deceive me like this???”

Well sweet darling, that’s simply because he isn’t who you thought he was.

You never really knew him because you didn’t take the time to.

You rushed into this. You both did.

And rushing into a relationship is the worst mistake you can make when dating somebody new.

So, he didn’t exactly deceive you…

He was deceitful because he’s controlled by his demons. That’s who he is.

You just didn’t know.

Plus, he did a good job of portraying himself as a man he wants to be. And you believed him, because you were in love.

But it takes time to really get to know someone.

Remember those things that were of concern to you from the beginning? The things that those sneaky little hormone monsters pushed aside before you could really look at them?

Yep. The signs were there the whole time.

But I get it. You made big life changes and moved in with him. You really wanted to believe in him and in your relationship, so you often looked the other way.

So, where do you go from here?

You take care of YOU, because falling in love with someone who isn’t who you thought they were is traumatic.

You learn. You let yourself feel all the pain, don’t numb. You comfort yourself.

You have compassion for him. You forgive him.

You love the shit out of yourself along the way.

And you move on.

I know how much you want to find your person. But it’s a pretty important decision, don’t you think? Probably, the most important decision you can make.

Life will be hard at times. Things happen that are out of our control. We get sick. People die. Tragedy and adversity are inevitable.

Who do you want by your side during all of that?

Don’t rush an important decision.

Forget about the shoulds in your life. If long-term commitment is what you want, don’t jump into anything with anyone, I don’t care how old you are. Don’t rush into sex, no matter how sexy they are, because those chemicals will cloud your judgement. Explore the joys of masturbation instead.

Remember how worthy you are and how big your sacred heart is.

Take your time.

Have high expectations.

Get crystal clear on your values.

Know your boundaries and set them.

Love yourself.

He’ll be worth the wait.

Because you, sweet darling, are worth every second of his.