A Lonely Sunday
Let’s face it, when you’re recently single, Sundays are hard, aren’t they?
They can downright suck.
Saturdays are still often a day of to-dos. I personally work on Saturday mornings, and my afternoons are usually filled with various errands. The city is alive and people are on the streets. And it’s easy to blend right in.
But then comes Sunday. And where I live, Sundays are quiet. Most of the city is shut down, and the open restaurants are full of couples and families.
I’ve just moved to a new place, far from friends and very far from family. I do have one friend here, but she often spends Sundays with her boyfriend :)
When you get your heart broken in the most shocking way, it’s really hard to let that go. Dr. Ramani has been my guiding light on this ruminating process.
As she says, it’s important to keep ourselves distracted. Go outside (weather permitting), take a walk, go for a bike ride, read a book, etc….engage in an activity that you find pleasurable. A healthy activity, that is.
Have you found yourself in these empowered moments where you feel like a warrior princess? Quickly followed by dark moments with sad songs and lots of tissues?
I get it. And you’re not alone on that rollercoaster.
This particular Sunday I woke up early with my usual, healthy morning rituals. But then I didn’t know what to do with myself. And just like that, I started to feel myself ebbing away back into the heartbreak low…
So I left the house with an optimistic attitude that I was going to explore my new city and walk along the beach!
But that quiet Sunday vibe of couples and families quickly slapped some loneliness in my face.
No problem, I got this. I’m going to get exercise AND be hyper-present!
I was taking in the sea smells and letting that cool wind blow through my hair. I was watching a cute little 4-year-old drive his motorized car on the sidewalk while his mother called out to him to slow down.
After walking my ass around the city for 1.5 hours, I stopped at a restaurant to take myself out to a nice seafood lunch.
I took the table in the corner, facing out the window to the sea.
I felt like I was crushing Sunday with my aloneness!
“There will be two of you, yes?” says the waiter to me in a hurry.
“No, just one”, I say with a smile.
Not a big deal. Even though I live in an international city in Spain, the Spanish people wouldn’t be caught dead having lunch by themselves. I’ve lived in Spain for 10 years so I’m used to this.
I ordered a nice glass of wine, a glass of water, and my lunch.
All the couples and families around me got their meals….even one family who came in after me ate and left before I got my food.
I ordered another glass of water. I was feeling invisible, anxious, and depressed.
All of my uncomfortable feelings of how single Sundays suck came bubbling to the surface.
Nobody cares about the loser single woman sitting in the corner by herself. All of these other customers are way more important than her.
These were the narratives that started to play in my head and I actually started to feel the tears well up. OMG, I’m really going to start crying over this?!?
Well darling, THIS goes way deeper with a lot of layers….
Breakups are hard, especially when they’re traumatic.
And Sundays can feel lonely.
But they won’t always be hard, my sweet darling.
You’re so brave.
You keep on taking walks outside, and I’ll be there walking with you.
You keep on taking yourself out to nice meals, and I’ll be there sitting with you.
You keep on reading your books, and I’ll be there cuddled up next to you.
You keep on enjoying your own company, my love.
Because I’m here. And there’s no need to feel lonely.
It’s a gift to be alone. According to Osho, “only a person who is capable of being alone is capable of love. Lonely people cannot love. Their need is so much that they cling — how can they love? Lonely people cannot love, they can only exploit. Lonely people pretend to love, deep down they want to get love. They don’t have it to give, they have nothing to give.”
Those words hit me so hard when I read them for the first time. They practically knocked the wind out of me. It’s like those words had been written for the ex.
Celebrate your aloneness, sweet darling. Own it. It may be a process, ebbs and flows, please be patient. I’m certain that as you celebrate it, your spirit will become more joyous and playful, and your heart will overflow with love…so much that you’ll want to share it with everyone.
Just don’t let anyone take advantage of that beautiful, sacred heart, ok?
